I miss my so-called life coach. He straightens my brain even if he's the same person who makes it as twisted as it is today. It is so funny cos even if I don't have to say anything, he knows what I'm thinking. He knows when I'm lying or not, when I've been good or not (Yeah, just like Santa.) He knows how to make me laugh with his pa-cute jokes. He knows exactly how to cheer me up. I couldn't help but miss my life coach. I remember how much fun we have smoking, stargazing, singing, laughing our worries away, and all that. During those trying times when we were there for each other, we were only just a textmessage away. At one point I was his favorite drug of choice. He was mine. BUT things are now different. It came to a point when we stopped being each other's shockabsorber. One day, he stopped looking for me. Maybe he stopped needing me. Then (no matter how temporary...) I stopped waiting for him. When my life is all over the place, I want him back in my life. I could say he's the only person who could tame me.
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Help me I'm losing focus. I need my proper judgment back.
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I told my friend this "Basta mag-law ka lang. Sayang ang books when they could've been clothes. Kaya natin to. Nobody said it was easy. At the end of the day, it's nice to be the lucky one but better if you worked for it. We're probably not the best students around. But certainly, we're good enough to still be around. Just study the way you know how. Focus on learning then making the grade. We can do it!"
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I never wanted to become a lawyer but look where I am. For somebody who didn't want it, I'm still around with the ones who wanted it so badly. Maybe I wanted it too, but not so much to even fight for it. I know people are still surprised to know that I am in law school. So sometimes to save myself from all the trouble of having a sudden career change, I just lie that I'm just taking up a masteral degree. I realized this today. People all have dreams. I dreamt of working in the creative field cos I thought I had a strong inclination to that. Maybe this remains to be one of my frustrations but then "minsan masarap mangarap pero hindi kailangan tuparin sila". For now, I will settle that part of my brain. I will do what I can. I will study the way I know how. I don't bring home excellent grades. But even for a 75 I'd be very thankful. If I make it then well and good. If not then bahala na, right?
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Dolly girl signing on. 3 weeks to go before finals! I can do this! :)
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