623 *

Hello there! How time flies, it scares me. It has been 18 long years without you... almost 2 decades without you. There were crazy days, months and years. I wish you were around to keep me sane. But still for the little time you were around, I am very grateful to have great memories of you.

As the years went by, there were more quiet nights. Some nights were spent thinking about the past. Some were spent contemplating or imagining how my life would have been if you were around. There were months when these nights were more frequent than ever. As I got older, I realized more how much I missed you. I wished you were still around to see what other accomplishments I've done in my life. To be honest, I've lived a semi-crazy life in the past decade like any other girl. I've done things that probably might disappoint you (but as I counted they weren't too many). Life would have been better having you around during the crazy and the not-so crazy times.

When I think about that one rainy Thursday back in 1994, I feel I am 9 again. I still get that feeling of a deep loss that I once thought I cannot surpass and surely something I didn't deserve. But with God as my strength, I carried on. It was a surreal moment, but definitely a life-changing one. Suddenly the music stopped. "My Sharona" or "Yellow Submarine" stopped playing in the house. No more beers and peanuts were served in our garden. No more Saturdates in National Bookstore and endless persuasion dialogues with you in Gift Gate. No one complained about me sitting in the middle back part of the car just like a dog. No one to remind me to wear my slippers everytime, to stay away from the TV and to keep my back straight when I sit. No one to eat with during dinner time or no one to wait for in the afternoon. I miss you... just everything about you.

How time flies, it's insane. I remember the number of times you told me to stop hoarding stationery, stickers and Hello Kitty.  How about the time when you thought I could never learn how to use my white bike? Sometimes when I get frustrated with what I do, I reminisce and imagine how you looked that one afternoon. You were so proud of me when you saw me bike my way down our street without my training wheels. It will always be that one moment I will keep remembering over and over again for the next decades to come.

I'm now 27, thrice the age when you left me. I'm still hanging on, discovering many things about life that I could have shared with you. There will be tough times ahead for sure (just like the past years). But you know me - I'm quite a tough girl too, I can manage.

Thank you for sharing your 9 years with me. It was very short but you will always be remembered for a lifetime. I love you.