Water started to fill the corner of my eyes. I couldn't contain my tears until my viewfinder was wet. I refuse to take this photo for very personal reasons. My grandmother is in her mid-80s already. I know for what purpose this portrait is.
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For the first time in my "shooting history", I learned how to connect with my subject. I am a very emotional person to the point that it bothers other people. I easily get sucked up by the dirt of this city sometimes.
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This woman is not just any other person. She was the one who took care of me for 10 years. I remember not being able to sleep without her beside me. I will never forget how she accompanied me during my first day in my new school (grade school). Then bang you just grow up one day at a time that she had to leave you. But can you blame how things go?
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There were days that I wanted to rewind my life and pause at one happy happy moment. I remember spending summer vacation with her in our hometown. We watched fireflies in the farm at night. I still remember those days when I was young... and when she was younger. We had so much fun. I wish I could play it over and over again. I dread seeing her these days bcos I see how life/youth is slowly taking her away from ME. I hate it.
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Before I left for MNL, I gave her a tight hug and cried for a good 5 minutes while my head rested on her shoulder. My Inang started crying too. I tried to hold back that big huhuhu sound but I couldn't. It felt like the day I cried to my teacher bcos I couldn't stay in the classroom without my Inang for the 1st day of classes.
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Grabe iyak ko kahit hanggang ngayon. When I reviewed that photo, it made me cry parin. Ganun talaga. Before my "vacation" ends, I have to find time to spend a week there with her. Lately I've been looking for things that remind me of my youth. I've been contemplating on a few things here and there. I need to escape.
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