HELLO LAWYER *

I never wanted to become a lawyer. Period. But hey look at me, going to 2nd sem of my 2nd year. The ones who know me from (law) school would know that I never wanted to be in law school in the first place. I even told my old colleagues (from my short stint at some boutique) that I'll just give it a try. Trial period... if there's even such a thing. Hmmm, law school's just one of those saddest places on earth I've been. This was partly bcos it was a whole new environment to me. It's just different from where I came from. It came to a point that I felt I didn't fit in.

For most part I was trying to fit in which in the first place was never my thing. I was trying to conform to something which I really didn't like. Shi*t. I have never been in a place where I longed to be accepted. That's what I felt in school. So I thought, I was rather different from the bunch. Was it the way I dressed? the way I talked? the fact that I had too much eyeliner or painted my nails red or dark blue? I don't get it.

But look where I am right now. Grabe noh?

One time I had inuman with a friend bcos I thought I was lost. The next morning I realized after downing a couple of bottles, I was still lost. I realized I had a bad hangover. That was it. I was waiting for him to talk sense out of my brain pero wala at nawawala pa rin ako. To this day, I'm not sure what I wanted to do so I'm just willing to do anything. I have to remember from time to time what my brother told me: "May mga bagay na kailangan mong gawin lang kahit hindi mo gusto." My greatest achievement is staying in law school even if I didn't want to be here. For somebody who wasn't passionate about it, I'm still surviving. Next semester will be different! I told myself, "ka-careerin ko na talaga to!". I used to cry before bcos I was torturing myself. I studied to the point of absurdity... until my brain's dead and my eyes bled. On the side I whined endlessly bcos I didn't want to be in law school. Hindi ako bagay! I was thinking I gave up the opportunity to follow my dreams and make things happen. But you see, my life-long dream is to see my mom happy. Although I know I will never ever be good enough for her no matter what I still try.

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As I've said before, I'm still young and I can make my OWN dreams happen in the future. For now, law school is waiting for me. Who knows if Godfather Karl is still alive when I'm already a lawyer, I'll be his intern! Wink! I cry naman bcos for 1 1/2 years this shi*t became my life and I cannot imagine myself out of it. I hate to admit but ito na ang buhay ko. I gave up several things to be where I am right now. At the end of the day, I still crave reading law provisions, cases which are even absurd to read, etc. I will forever hate recitation but I will forever prepare for it.

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So there, hello lawyer! :)