JUST LET IT GO *

My classmate told me to LET YOURSELF GO while at it. He was complaining because the woman he's apparently seeing just had too many inhibitions. He could no longer stand her. HAHA. So with that piece of advise, I think I was haunted for like 2-3 weeks. WHAT DID HE EXACTLY MEAN BY THAT? Let yourself go? Then I had a thought a couple of nights ago that there are 2 reasons why most people don't enjoy: 1) inhibitions 2) they can't let go and surrender to that moment. I realized that somebody else told me about this "let yourself go" thing a couple of months ago. I just didn't pay attention bcos I thought why should I get advise on how to enjoy. Then I realized I could have possibly have a flawed perception of it or something to that effect. I kept telling myself I wanted to be with someone who's so steady that it's so intoxicating. Then I realized it's not about him, but about me. If I want to be steady then I have to find that in myself. I would have to admit that I have many inhibitions myself. I also have a hard time letting myself go. I cannot fully surrender to that moment each and every time. Note to self: Somebody won't make me feel that way, I'd waste my life away finding that person. All I have to do is just recognize the fact that I have it in me.

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The reason why I love the playground is because you hear genuine laughter from kids. Kids can't fake their emotions. Why? They enjoy so much because they just let go and surrender to the moment. Once I was a little kid who held on to the ropes until my palms were sweaty. I couldn't just swing my way like the other kids bcos I was so worried I'd tumble over once I do bcos the swing looked so unstable. When I finally did, I was sooooooooo happy I couldn't stop swinging away. So from now on, the next time around, I'll just let go and surrender to that moment. I have to learn to ZONE OUT my fears and inhibitions bcos that would hinder me from enjoying the moment. Like little kids, I have to swing my way like there is no tomorrow.

(La Luz June 2007)